Coulrophobia

Coulrophobia: the fear of clowns

There's nothing funny about them. I remember going to the circus as a kid and it was all good until the clowns came on stage. Then the audience would be subjected to several minutes of dull boredom, with a bunch of badly dressed men in make-up trying to be funny and failing miserably. Actually the bit where they brought the horses out and paraded them round was pretty dull too, but that's besides the point.

Ok so clowns might seem like a bit of a weird thing to have a phobia of, but really what's the real difference between them and masked gunmen? They both hide their faces, right? Clearly this fear has been cultivated by the likes of Stephen King with his It and Bob Kane with the infamous Joker. But they must have seen the freaky, scary potential of them to begin with right? I rest my case.

But the weird phobias don't end there, below is a list of some of the more ridiculous ones:

Ablutophobia - fear of washing or bathing... so a smelly person's phobia then.

Allodoxaphobia - fear of opinions... otherwise known as an inability to listen to anyone else

Anglophobia/Bolshephobia/Dutchphobia/Francophobia/Germanophobia/ Japanophobia/Russophobia/Sinophobia/Xenoglossophobia/Xenophobia - fear of England, English culture/Bolsheviks/Dutch/France, French culture/Germany, German culture/ Japan, Japanese culture/Russians/Chinese, Chinese culture/foreign languages/foreigners... basically excuses for racists

Arachibutyrophobia - fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth... well it IS utterly terrifying that is

Caligynephobia - fear of beautiful women... suffered by dorks, geeks and nerds the world over

Chromophobia/Ereuthophobia/Leukophobia/Porphyrophobia/Xanthophobia - fear of colours/red/white/purple/yellow... suffered by druggies everywhere whilst high

Gamophobia/Pentheraphobia - fear of marriage/mother-in-law... suffered by men the world over

Hedonophobia - fear of feeling pleasure... the fear suffered by Goths everywhere

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia - the fear of long words... and like abbrieviation; ironic

Dextrophobia/Levophobia - fear of things on the right/left side of the body... so sit on your own then!

Barophobia - fear of gravity... screwed

Basophobia - fear of walking... not a fear; bone-bloody-idleness!

Lachanophobia - fear of vegetables... suffered by kids the world over

Mastigophobia/Ouranophobia - fear of punishment/heaven... simple solution then; don't commit crimes!

And after all that extensive research, one fear I didn't find was the fear of knights.