Random and slightly pointless thoughts: Foul food combinations

The king of fruits my arse! The king of the vile, disgusting, putrid, desperate-attempts-to-call-something-food more like it!

Look at it, even the appearance is unwelcoming, for one, the outside is sharp and hard and when you finally break into it, it's full of a horrid, yellow, slimy substance that strongly resembles something you might cough up when you have a bad chest cold.

So to start off a rant about foul food combinations, anything containing durian tops it off: durian puff, durian cake, durian ice-cream, etc. etc.

Once when I was living in Japan, I stopped off at a supermarket and whilst there bought myself a doughnut. Upon getting it home, I discovered a very unique filling after biting into it, not jam, not custard, not chocolate cream... but instead chicken curry! Now even more surprisingly it wasn't actually that bad but that brings us onto what fillings for doughnuts are just plain wrong and likely to make you revisit it whether you wish to or not:

• Tripe
• Spam
• Liver and onions
• Minced heart
• Pork tongue
• Chicken gizzards
• ...basically a whole range of other disgusting meat products
• Mashed sprouts
• Baked beans
• Broccoli and Cauliflower
• Boiled celery
• ...the list goes on

And then there's ice cream, basically combining savoury with sweet is pretty much always going to be a disaster, imagine ice-cream with these flavours:

• oyster
• smoked haddock
• sardine
• pickled onion
• parsley
• gherkin
• bollognese
• tikka masala
• and so on...

Ok disgusting thoughts over... what would be the most delicious food combinations?

Random and slightly pointless thoughts: Dreamworld

Dreamworlds are weird things aren't they? You've got to wonder just what the hell is going on inside your head sometimes. I mean, where on earth do they come from? How do they become so fantastical and weird?... although maybe that's just my dreams... sometimes.

Take for instance a recurring dream I had used to have when I was a kid - I'd be stood in the hallway of the house I grew up in, then suddenly I'd lift up my legs and start swimming the breast stroke throughout the house, and if anyone saw me I'd explain it wasn't flying it was air swimming! And it was so vivid that I would wake up with the assumption that it was actually possible!

Another recurring dream, again from childhood - I'd be in a mountainous, rocky landscape tinged in blue, searching for treasure with Scooby-Doo and Shaggy whilst being pursued by Skeletor! That dream used to scare the crap out of me!

And what is with those falling dreams? - you can be walking along a wall and fall off or along a path and trip and you kick your leg out so violently you wake yourself up!

They dreams are formed from events that happened throughout the day. Ok so maybe that explains Skeletor and Scooby-Doo if I'd been watching them that day - but when during the course of the day did I fall off a wall?

Really dreams are just a bunch of random images thrown together, like ingredients in a bowl. Personally I don't and can't derive any meaning from any dream I've ever had because basically I doubt that whole industry of reading into dreams. Personally I think it sounds like a bit of a sham. If something's been on your mind all day then possibly you're more likely to dream about it, but it seems like a bit of a lazy way to make a living to me - reading into people's dreams - GET A REAL JOB!!

I'd say that dream predictors/readers/con-artists (whatever they want to call themselves) are definitely prime candidates for an all-time laziest jobs list.

10 things I would want in my future

The future... curious thing isn't it? So many possibilities.... If The Terminator films are to be believed then the human race will be nearing extinction with machines systematically out to exterminate us all. Similarly so with The Matrix.

I prefer to think more in terms of Back to the Future however... so I have only five years to go until I can get myself a hover-board and flying car... OH YEAH!!!

Anyway to the point of all this... everyone dreams of things they would like for the future so here goes...

1. Happiness
2. A loving, happy wife (and not just any wife, TC)
3. A happy family
4. My health
5. Financial security
6. A nice home
7. A cat and dog
8. A successful career for myself and a certain special lady...
   
9. A continued good relationship with friends and family
10. Family holidays

And now for the slightly more ludicrous...

1. A flying car
2. A hover-board
3. Limitless wealth
4. Numerous mansions in a variety of different locations - and people to keep them clean
5. A private jet
6. A Bugatti Veyron
7. The Batmobile
8. A lightsaber
9. A fully functional Ironman suit
10. Superpowers

Superpowers... ok thinking about it there's quite a lot to choose from... that could actually form a list in itself - 10 superpowers I would want most

Random and slightly pointless thoughts: Reasons to never move to a Zombie Stepford town

What's worse - A town full of insanely efficient and articulate Stepford wives, a town full of blood-thirsty zombies or... a town full of insanely efficient and articulate, blood-thirsty zombie Stepford wives?

1. Is that crazy look in their eye because you've dropped crumbs on the carpet... or because they like the look of your neck?
2. Arm-candy takes on a whole new meaning - literally your arm IS the candy!
   
3. Everyone's always going to be really on edge - they're constantly cleaning as they keep dropping bits of their mouldy zombie corpse everywhere.
4. Everyone will be constantly late for everything - have you any idea how much make-up it would take to make a zombie look half decent?
5. Similarly it's gonna take a lot of body spray to get rid of that stench!
   
6. If you're not a fan of cannibalistic cuisine you may really struggle to find a good meal.
7. The water bills would be astronomical - it takes a whole lot of washing to get those soil stains out from when they crawled out of their graves!
8. I hope you're fluent in zombie, otherwise with all those grunts, snorts and moans you'll never make yourself understood.
9. On the upside adultery would be at an all time low - unless you're a necrophiliac - who'd want to swap one decaying corpse bride for another. On the flip side however, faced with your own decaying corpse bride, your sex drive would inevitably plummet.
10. The terms "nice evening stroll", "graveyard" and "eaten alive" should never be used in the same sentence.

And there you have it. Don't you just love those mash-ups of names? Zombie Stepford wives. Duck-billed platypus. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...

10 advantages of living in a country of unrest or extreme government reign

North Korea, Zimbabwe, Iraq... are they really as bad as all that? There's more advantages to living in such a place than you think - you just have to look REALLY hard for them.

1. You'll always feel really wealthy as the economy is absolutely dire and money is worthless, "Wow, can you believe this? I'm a kajillionaire! Today I alone I earned 386 billion dollars/francs/won/dinar!"
2. You never have to worry about reading disturbing news in the newspaper - it's all censored.
3. If someone really annoys you, just dob him/her into the authorities claiming they made some derogatory comment about the government - they'll be gone before you know it!
4. Struggling to think of somewhere to go for holidays? Problem solved - free travel is banned, just stay where you already are.
5. It's never boring - there's always someone threatening to overthrow the government/bomb the country/commit mass genocide.
6. You'll stay slim without even trying as food is in short demand and charitable donations are withheld by the government.
7. You'll always be in work whether you like it or not - the army and secret police are ALWAYS recruiting.
8. Sure you might think it's nice to look at picturesque mountains and rivers and things... but bomb craters, burnt out buildings and wrecked vehicles littering the streets is where the real beauty is.
9. No one really likes a a freedom of choice of things do they? It's nice to be told what to do, what to think, what not to say, which religion to be a part of...
10. Crime should be dealt with extremely harshly and with no mercy, shouldn't it?
    

• He stole - cut his hands off!
• He crossed the road on a red light - send him to a forced labour camp for the rest of his life!
• He sneezed in the presence of our grand, exalted leader - off with his head!

Of course, if you think any of this actually sounds attractive, you really should go and have your head examined! What is more of an interesting possibility is reasons to live on the moon...